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COMING OF AGE
Sally Field coined this term to describe her own seasoning, her own aging process. She says it is a term that not only applies to adolescents who are becoming young adults but it also applies to people of all phases of life. It translates to mean "maturing into adulthood,"
I had already decided to follow her footsteps and call this time as I near 60 years old my "coming of age..." But I had no idea what it would actually feel like -- because nothing, absolutely nothing, has made me feel more "adult" than my new experience of not having either parent here on the earth plane. My dad transitioned out of his body this week and joined my mother who left her body twelve years earlier.
I was not only preparing for the death but I was actually actively encouraging his departure. I was writing letters to him in my "Daddy-O Journal" and whispering to his soul in meditations, encouraging him to drop his skin and be free. I told him over and over, "Find your way, Daddy-O, out of these limitations... Be free..."
A week after emailing an invitation to my sister, niece and nephews to join me in creating an etheric circle of love around him, encouraging him to leave his failing body, he successfully made his way out! June 3rd. In his sleep. At home. No tubes. In the presence of great love. Russell. A devoted son in spirit.
Immediately upon learning of his exit, I felt lifted up -- because he did it! He was free! And having a reunion with the love of his life, my mom... my family is now reconstituted because they are together, which is what he wanted most...
Of course, I also find myself feeling grief and sorrow.....He was an amazing father... My Daddy-O. The Hero of my Heart. So loving, supportive, encouraging; so generous...
I had just finished writing and publishing my book, Re-arranged, Never the Same: The Nature of Grief -- a very thorough compilation of every feeling and theme that arises in grief, as well as focusing on how to stay in current relationship with the loved one who has left his or her body, (and it includes all of the communications I have received from my mom following her departure.) It is now for sale on Amazon. (Check it out!) Ironically, Michael (my brother-in-law) died within the month after I first sent the completed copy to my editor. I then added a chapter called "The Chapter That Follows, After the Book is Written." And now, within the month that my book is newly published, I already want to add another new chapter called "When Both Parents are Gone."
Because it is a coming of age! It is a maturing as I have never experienced before. Because it is truly a phenomena. As my sister and I anticipated Dad's death, my sister reassured me that we have already grieved Dad as we lost him to dementia. He hadn't fathered us in a long time. But what I now discover after his exit is that although this is true, we were active daughters to the very end and have been our whole lives, and this, in and of itself, is a huge loss and triggers a sense of disorientation and "maturing," for lack of a better word.
I have loved being a daughter, especially to Lee and Bernie, my exceptional parents. And although I will discover how to continue to be their daughter, there is a letting go of being seen by the loving gaze of a parent. Although Dad no longer knew my name, he knew I was his daughter and that I loved him so much and when he peered at me through his eyes, I always experienced being his youngest daughter -- a child, his child. I miss his eyes. I miss being someone's child.
Our last time engaging with one another entailed not only my sister and I expressing our love and gratitude for him and honoring what a great dad and husband and everything he was, we also invoked everyone's name who is "on the other side," starting with mom, of course. And, his lips puckered and I brought my lips to his, and softly, tenderly, let them sit there and then again and again, we kissed. It was so pure; it was so beautiful. It will stay with me forever.
So, when I want to feel his gaze, I softly touch my lips with my finger and I remember...
With both parents not embodied, I find myself saying, "This is so 60!"
I feel older for the first time. (I look forward to outgrowing that feeling!)
I feel closer to my own mortality.
I feel parent-less -- and yet open to feel parented by both of them in ways they could no longer offer at the end of their lives.
So, no shit, this "coming of age" thing is too real... I am indeed maturing and seasoning and wonder what will flower from it.
Thank you everyone for all of your love and support. I feel so blessed to be so loved.
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