Forty-Third Invitation

Practicing “Centering” In These Times of Stress and Chaos

If one chooses to pay attention to the news of our day, we find extreme division, confusion, heart break and losses. I am noticing in my psychotherapy practice that a greater and greater number of people are anxious and upset in response to what is happening politically and environmentally and that their brains are frequently staying triggered in the trauma/fear response of fight, flight or freeze. People are not having time to recoup before the next onslaught of events unfolds that gives rise to uncertainty, fear, grief and anger. This appears to be true, no matter which side of the aisle one is on. To put it mildly, these are intense —and intensely disturbing — times. 

Chaos is defined as “complete disorder and confusion.” Chaotic times often re-trigger old traumas and thus add an extra sense of disorientation, lack of grounding and emotional overwhelm. Many people refer to our current state of affairs as chaotic.  If this has any truth for you, know that you have lots of company and that it is exactly in these times of chaos that we need to return to and deepen our own ways of centering.

Sometimes in order to center, we may need to completely withdraw from the news. A temporary “time-out” can be like a re-boot for our mental circuits that got overloaded. However, denial as an ongoing coping strategy can be detrimental for many reasons, one of which is that the disconnection can lead to a sense of isolation. I am of the opinion that when we have enough inner resources available to us, it is important to be aware of what is happening in our world — and the impact on ourselves and each other, which often leads to living with more compassion. The commitment to practice “centering” helps to keep us sane in insane times. 

I am of the belief that we are all in this together — not as some “New Age” concept, but as a simple acknowledgment of reality. We are constantly impacting each other in ways that we cannot even imagine.  As a way of taking responsibility for our part in this give and take, we can aim to live in a way that exemplifies the kind of human being we want all human beings to be.  In the spirit of knowing that our thoughts and actions move energy and impact others, we become aware that we are either contributing to our collective harmony or collective chaos, depending on what we are focusing on at any given moment. We can’t be very effective at making a positive contribution to others if we are in a state of anxiety, panic and instability — which is often what we are left feeling when we become identified with the news we listen to.  

So how does one create balance between being globally aware and compassionate and also being an effective guardian of our inner life?  What is the right mix of exposure to the news and sufficient self-nourishing, compassion, service, detachment and play?  How does one stay awake to all of the heart-aching challenges of our times and simultaneously protect our vitality and ability to enjoy life? 

We can’t wait for the “bad “news to stop — because it never does.  We must take care of ourselves and nourish our sense of well-being, commit to having fun and enjoying our lives, even in the midst of dark times. It is our ability (and responsibility) to shine — which ultimately serves to balance out the darkness.

The word “centering” does not refer to a static state of consciousness. Rather, the word “centering” is a verb. It is an ongoing process of surrendering and bringing acceptance to the ups and downs. Imagine every mood, every feeling, every reaction as part of a spinning wheel. No experience falls outside of the wheel. In its circular nature, everything is part of the whole and utilized and included in our “centering” practice.  

When we live with the intention to center, we practice bringing acceptance to everything that arises. We give permission to feel anything and everything. This evolving experience is one of softening, accepting, embracing — and also remembering to gently bring ourselves back to the center of the wheel.  The practice of “centering” means just that — every moment is an opportunity to practice breathing, opening, surrendering, being compassionate, allowing, resisting nothing — including resistance itself.  When we blow it, there is always the next moment to soften, and to remember...

Here is a list of suggestions for practicing “centering” in the midst of these chaotic times:

1.  Clarify your focus for living each day. I call this your personal theme or mission. Using positive language, write your mission statement.  This intentional proclamation will serve to be the center of your wheel. No matter what circumstances arise in your own life, other people’s lives, our country or the world, this statement can help you to re-align yourself again and again to your central purpose.  Example: My personal mission statement this year is “I choose to lift into the light, to shine bright, as my truest greatest might.” 

2. Take time to nourish your theme. This is the act of focusing thought and action every day on your theme. This demonstrates your commitment to live your intention into actuality.  Example: I have created a sequence of body movements to accompany my mission statement and every day I say my mission statement out loud with my body movement as an invocation.

3. Limit your news intake. Be informed, yet not obsessed.  Example: I am limiting my news intake to one news broadcast a day vs. several (not including Stephen Colbert!)  And I like to restrict conversations about the news during dinner time.

4. Take a time-out from the topics that “neg you out.”  Learn to bracket.  Make specific times for the news or problem-solving and then make it a practice to focus on other areas of your life.  What you focus on expands.  When you are with your friends, be careful not to fuel the obsession on news or talking about problems.  Again, commit to talking about draining topics for only a certain amount of time and then intentionally shift to sharing about more uplifting subjects.  Example: My husband and I practice something we made up called “Neg Free Zone”. We contract with each other for a certain amount of time that we will not speak about anything negative. It is challenging to do but we have found it to be effective for lightening up.

5. Reduce exposure to triggers. Notice what triggers your negativity. Play detective and make a list of what brings you down. Then, experiment with intentionally limiting your exposure to these triggers and be curious on how this impacts your sense of resources and ability to sustain good feelings.  Example: I discovered that looking at my phone first thing in the morning triggers stress. So, now I make sure that my spirit is nurtured in some way before I first pick up the phone.

6. Bring your lens of awareness inward.  When you are overwhelmed and it all feels like too much, take your focus away from social media and news and intentionally re-focus your lens to simply be aware of the experience that is currently coming through your senses — seeing, hearing, feeling, tasting, smelling. Your senses will serve as portals into the present moment.  Example: When I am feeling anxious from the news, I intensify my experience of sight and really penetrate into whatever I am beholding with my eyes, finding something to focus on that I find aesthetically pleasing.  And then I do this with each sense as a meditation.

7. Refresh your energy field daily.  Bring this intention into action whether it is by listening to uplifting podcasts or Ted talks or reading, or through movement, yoga, working out or nature walks or just playing with your dog or having a great nap, etc. — on and on.  Make a date with yourself to re-charge your own inner battery, just like we plug our phones in to re-charge their batteries!  Example: I love making writing dates with myself, which includes sipping on an iced chai. 

8. A dose of daily conscious enjoyment. Do something every day that you simply find enjoyable. I like to suggest doing this early in the day, so that the experience of enjoyment has a chance to permeate into the rest of your day. Once you are in the flow of enjoyment, it transcends being an activity and instead transforms into an attitude — an inner posture, if you will.  Example: I enjoy embodying my theme in the morning with movement that then sets the tone for the rest of my day. Make it a practice to turn the volume up on being aware of what is enjoyable, which often leads to...

9. More Gratitude.  When we are noticing all that we “receive” in our lives, gratitude naturally flows.  Example: As I “receive” and take in through my sight the loveliness of my home, my heart naturally opens and fills with gratitude for my beautiful, comfortable surroundings.

10. Spend time in Nature.  Nature is often synonymous with beauty, which naturally lifts the spirit effortlessly.  Example: As I am staring at the sun rays coming through the tree branches, casting shadows around me and listening to birds chirping, my breath lengthens and deepens and my perception of beauty elevates me into a sense of more spaciousness. 

11. Take time to feel your feelings. Instead of just being on the move all the time, make it a practice to slow down and find some safe times and  spaces to simply feel what is building up inside of you.  We can’t take in all the news that we do and not have a ton of feelings in response to what is happening in our world.  Let yourself sit with your feelings — tears, anger or whatever is arising.  Example: A few times a week, I hang out with my cat in her safe space and use this time to cry my tears as I allow myself to focus on the pain in my heart that is connected to the suffering of others around me in the world.

12. Share with others about what stirs your heart.  Rediscover that you are not alone. Turning towards like-minded friends and community serves as a way to allow some love into where it hurts inside, and can help you to remember that you are part of Something Greater Than Yourself — and that you have many allies.  Example: Daily I unavoidably read something disturbing and daily I share it with several people I care about so we can all moan together. 

13. Correct, Connect, Protect.  When it is time to return to the center of the wheel, we do a “correction” as we would with our dog who otherwise is inclined towards rolling in shit.  We say “no” and re-direct our dog to less smelly ground. It’s a must to do this “correction” with our own minds and then to connect with others in loving and positive exchanges. Connection strengthens our energy fields, which then bolsters our protection from being drained and overwhelmed.  Example: This is my self-talk when it is time to give a “correction”: “Okay, mind, correct!  Time to stop thinking about that (negativity) and instead let’s focus on this (something positive) and let’s share the this with a friend!”  Ah, and now my heart feels shielded with this loving connection.

13. Up your self-care.  Breathe deeper, exercise more, make healthier food choices, be with good company, be creative in some way, notice beauty, be kind to yourself.  Example: Writing this article is a great reminder to myself of all the ways I can stay in the game of “centering.”

14. Transform your angst into action. Take your heavy heart into action and service.  Look for opportunities to make a difference, no matter how small or big.  From rescuing a bug from a pool or the inside of your house, to volunteering with an organization that addresses some issue you deeply care about, you are making a difference.  When you channel your woes into action, you transform any sense of being stuck in the pain into actually DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  Example: I see a worm who is in danger of dying from the hot sun rays on the pavement and I take it to a grassy shady area. We both feel better!

15. Turn on the light!  Imagine walking into a dark room and then turning on a light switch — the darkness disappears and now you can see again!  Imagine this as a metaphor for your life.  Practice turning on the light in each and every dark corner you find yourself in.  Of course, it’s unavoidable that we all stay in the dark for a while.  But remember, you can turn on the light.  And when you do, bam — you are at the center of the wheel again!  Example: Sometimes I like to just flick on the light switch in a dark room and experience how the darkness immediately vanishes and I am once again standing in light.

I bet you can add many more suggestions of your own to this list of ways to practice “centering in times of chaos.”  I invite you to do so and share it with others on this blog.  After all, we truly are all in this together!

Lovefully,

DevaJoy