Healing Heart Communications, Inc.

 www.devajoy.net

  Fifty-Third Invitation!

                              

 

                    “What would you do if...?”

“What would you do if…?”

Jeff (my friend and my great web site designer) and I were chatting and laughing; we agreed that we were feeling lighter than we had in a long time as a direct result from watching the 2020 Democratic Convention. 

Our spirits were lifted and something inside of ourselves felt restored.  

It was so healing to see the goodness in America again -- to be with people who care about one another and our earth. There was soul relief. Truly. Just to see that human kindness, caring, empathy and compassion still exist — in us, all of us who were watching, and and in our government as demonstrated by the DNC.

OMGoddess, what it will be like to have our government actually reflect these values of humanity and be guided by them? I am waiting with baited breath. 

Just the thought of Joe and Kamala leading our country…. sends me to a different world, a different reality, a different experience of myself.

I find my breath literally breathing into my upper lungs that I forgot even existed. Because on some level, I have been holding my breath since November 9, 2016. That night, the night of the 2016 election, I experienced falling into a deep dark rabbit hole as I sobbed — and I never came out of it — it just kept going and getting worse. But this week with the virtual  Democratic Convention, some light rays literally shined through and penetrated the darkness that I have been feeling since the election.

On that night of November 9, 2016, I anticipated it was going to be bad. Very bad. But I didn’t know how bad. Every day since January 20, 2017, there has been trauma. Literally, every day, something important that has to do with human rights and protections for our lands, air, water and wildlife is being stripped away. Repealed. Altered in such a damaging way or completely dismantled.

Each day as I became aware — and continue to become aware— of Trump’s attacks and repealing of the policies that protect human rights and our earth that President Obama and other Presidents before him helped to pass into law, my heart hurts and my stomach feels punched. Every day and night since Trump was elected, there is this deep grief, this shredding of my heart and this dread and fear of how bad it really is —yes,  every day, trauma.  And we don’t get any time to recover, to come back to a baseline, because we are hit hard every day — and so our baselines are now altered…. and that is why I find that I haven’t been breathing very deeply.

And that is why in January 2019, my medical doctor, after reviewing my two-year medical issue, pointedly asked me, “Have you experienced a lot of extra stress these last two years?”  I immediately responded with, “Trump!” She laughed. And I looked intensely at her and clarified, “No, I mean it. Every day is extremely stressful,” and then I added, “if one is paying attention!” She completely agreed and then informed me that during her whole career, she has never seen more need for anti-anxiety medicines and anti-depressants since Trump was elected.  

There is such pain living with knowing the damage he causes daily to countless people and our earth and wildlife. — to literally all of us. And I am not exaggerating when I say “daily.” I mean daily!  

Eleven months into Trump being the 45th, I was preparing a performance art piece about what its been like to live with Trump as President. In preparation, I googled a summary of everything Trump had done so far. (And it was only 11 months in…).  

I was horrified to see that literally every day he did something obliterating to life, damaging to life, destructive to life.  I thought I was aware of a lot of the bad Trump was doing. But I came to find out that I didn’t know most of it.  The list was way longer than I even imagined.  And, it’s only just continued with the passing of time — but with even more zest for dividing us.  

The performance piece was a demonstration of how I intentionally practice pendulum swinging between heart wrenching grief and rage that I feel daily to also focusing on love, light, and lifting into positive vibrations. This describes what life has been like for me since living under the Trump regime. It has been a continual challenge yet I feel deeply committed to resource goodness during this time, to keep my vision on the light, and notice the good actions of people.  

I have found that it takes a lot of effort to stay focused on positive energy when bad things are happening every day in our country. Yet, in the face of horrific police brutality and more losses of black lives, something powerful is happening, uniting us. I stay focused on this unity that lifts my spirit as I also feel the pain that comes with truly seeing what is going down in our country.  

As bad as I have felt over the last four years, I believe it is way more exhausting than I even know. Exhausting on every level — physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. And not to get too esoteric here, but I am just one cell of Gaia and I think there are billions of cells just like me and so I believe Gaia, herself, is quite exhausted, also more than we can know.

When I allow myself to believe in my dream and I give myself permission to project myself forward into a soon-to-be reality of President Biden and Vice-President Harris — my breath fills me in ways I don’t usually breathe — and it is amazing to imagine — to experience the wind on our backs as we tackle the big big problems we face. (As Biden said in his talk, he is ready to take on four crises: the pandemic, our economy, race relations, and climate change.) What we face is heartbreaking, but we will be on purpose. We will make progress for human rights, equality and protecting our earth. When I allow myself to imagine into a life free from contending with Trump’s daily assaults to our democracy, humanity and our earth, I feel like a different person. 

Back to my conversation with Jeff.  We are both stating that it is a MUST that Biden-Harris win — that we can not afford, literally, we, our country, can not allow for another four years. Because with another four years, we will not be the America we know. We will be unrecognizable. So much damage to our humanity, to the checks and balances of our democracy, to our constitution and to our environment — our air, our water, our natural world and resources.  It will be gone. Truly, gone. Racism will rule and so  many humans will suffer.  We will all suffer.

So, back to the conversation with Jeff, we were both insisting, out loud, to the Universe, it has to end with this election!

But then he asks me the question I dread and have always refused to entertain,  “But what will you do if he doesn’t leave?”

For the first time, I allow myself to ponder this question. It only lasts for a moment but it was a moment longer than I have ever sat with the questionbefore. It was so uncomfortable. 

I then tell him how it is for me and that I  just can’t… literally, I just can’t… even allow myself to picture  how life continues if Trump stays in office. I hear myself saying,  “I can’t even imagine breathing, standing, or existing. It’s that intense. I just can’t!” I am hoping I am one of many who can’t imagine it, and that it will not and cannot happen.

Upon telling him how I really feel,  I immediately let go of trying to imagine a second term of Trump. My truth — I just can’t. Literally. Its too dark.

It feels like it would destroy me… and once again, on a more esoteric level, I believe I’m  just one little cell of Gaia and when I say, “It would destroy me” I mean “It will destroy “ME” the big “ME” the ALL me. The ME that equals all living beings interconnected and interwoven into ONE eco-system which Includes everything and everyone. (BTW, I hate giving Trump that much power and I hate that his narcissism would love it — but I actually believe he and his regime do have the power to end democracy for real and accelerate climate crisis so much that we are all doomed.)

So, as I was saying, I just can’t go there. And I don’t think I am exaggerating.  Obama validated my knowingness in his courageous and truth-telling talk at the DNC when he said we could be on the brink of burying democracy if we continue with this administration.  

Back to my conversation with Jeff.  “I can’t go there” and he agreed, “Yeh, it’s better not to!” 

Then he asked,  “Have you had contact with your mom?” (She is no longer embodied, for those who don’t know.)

“No.”

"I wonder what she would tell you?”

“Wow! What an amazing question! Thanks for asking me that!” 

I was delighted to contemplate such a loving question.

I truly wanted to know the answer.  

I started exploring the question out loud. “Well, she hated Bush. She would just throw up with Trump!”  

(What would she say?  I thought to myself. "Get out of there!” Is that what she would say? No not quite. That’s not quite it.  “Listen a little deeper,” I heard whispering to me.)

"Oh I got it!” I told Jeff. “I know exactly what she would say! She would say, — “Do whatever you need to do so that you could enjoy your life. Yes! That’s exactly what she would say!” 

Jeff smiled big and since he read my book that talked a lot about Mom, he recognized her message.  

"Do what you need to do so that you can enjoy your life!"  That is so my Mom. So practical. She emphasizes the enjoyment factor a lot more than I do. I incline to focus on service and she certainly did her service as a mom and daughter and sister and friend and much more.  But what she emphasized was not this. She didn’t go around and say, “Show up for people!” Instead she said, “Enjoy your life!” Her teaching was that life comes and goes quickly either way — so you might as well create it to be truly enjoyable!

So, what does this mean in response to Jeff’s question. “What would you do if…?”

And Mom’s guidance is ~~ "Do what you need to do to enjoy your life.”

Well, I can’t go into denial and pretend the atrocities to living beings are not happening. She must know that I can not do that. 

I have never been able to do that.  

So then what? 

Move out of the country? 

I really don’t want to do that.

So we are back to square one — I cannot imagine into a world where Trump continues in office.  

That would mean the need for funerals as we say goodbye to democracy and further ushering in fascism.

MUST BE STOPPED.  IT  CAN'T BE. IT IS TIME FOR A GOVERNMENT THAT IS ABOUT ~~ “WE THE PEOPLE!”

SO BE IT. Please join me in making this a reality with me.  

I again feel a long deep breath breathing me that happens every time I think of President Biden and Vice President Harris as a reality.

President Biden and Vice President Harris. I breathe full and long again. Wow! Breath is good!

If this reads as a political ad, I apologize. It just came out of me. So I can not judge it but I know you can but rather than doing that, I hope you will just stand next to me and hold my hand in this paramount time.

After Jeff heard my response to his question, “What would Mom say?”

he candidly said, “This is your next newsletter.”

So here we are, my next newsletter.  

 Love, devajoy